How To Boost Your Sex Drive

"Being turned on is the best feeling in the world. Even better than orgasm because orgasm is an end while turn-on is a beginning. Makes me feel totally alive and awake."

A healthy relationship has fulfilling sex as one of its critical components. Sexual desire is important to men and women who want to engage in sexual intercourse. The desire for sex is the same as sexual arousal, with feelings of excitement, passion, romantic desires and the physical signs of an erection in men, and lubrication and aroused nipples in women.

Sexual arousal is the way one feels and senses; it's a body and mind connection resulting in blood rush, sweaty palms, racing heartbeats and having the feeling to engage in sex (horniness). At times, both men and women lack the desire for sex and have great difficulty in feeling aroused. In trying to find solutions to your low sex drive, it is important to examine what is happening in your life. Any of the following reasons could be the cause of your low desire for sex.

1. Medical conditions

The side effects of medication could sap your sex drive, as well as symptoms of disease like chronic pain. Depression is a common medical condition that could be affecting your sex drive, and medications for its treatment, such as antidepressants and psychotic medication, may aggravate the problem of low sex drive.

Visit your doctor and share your problems.

2. Environment

The state of your physical surroundings can make you feel uncomfortable about having sex. For example, if you have a leaking roof and your home is likely to get wet when it rains, the desire for sex would be further from your mind.

3. Psychosexual problems

Men may have problems with erections or premature ejaculation and women may have painful intercourse or failure to reach orgasm. Efforts should be made to resolve these to renew the interest in sex.

4. Stress

Examine the causes of your stress and take time to eliminate or reduce them. Acknowledge and manage life changes. The desire for sex comes when you have time to relax and worry is lessened. Take time out to be in tune with your body for it to suggest sex and get you in the mood.

5. Poor relationship

If you and your partner are not enjoying a harmonious relationship and have relationship issues, you will have great difficulty in 'feeling sexy'. Nagging, angry outbursts, fights, spite and malice cannot foster a desire for sex. If you are not feeling happy with your relationship, you should not feel obliged to engage in sexual intercourse with your partner just 'to keep the peace'. If this takes place regularly, it could become a permanent turn-off from sex.

6. Poor diets

Diet has a direct relationship on the body and its ability to be aroused for sex. Ensure that you are eating lavish amounts of life-enhancing foods like fruits and vegetables, and reduce the intake of processed foods. You may want to take a supplement of zinc to increase the testosterone hormone which regulates sexual drive in men and women.

Simmering exercise

In addition to correcting the causes identified above, Bernie Zilbergeld, PhD, clinical psychologist and author of The New Male Sexuality, recommends using the simmering exercise developed by sex therapist Carol Ellison and himself. The exercise requires a few minutes a day. The process is as follows:

The next time you are 'feeling sex' hold on to it and try to expand it into a fantasy, imagining what you would like to do with your partner. Fantasise as much as you can and keep playing with your thoughts to make your own x-rated movie and hold on to vivid images as long as you can.

An hour or two later, try to replay those x-rated images, making alterations if you wish. Repeat this action at various times of the day. You can intensify the sensations if you relax and let yourself become aware of your pelvis and genitals. Include some Kegal exercises, in which you squeeze and relax your pelvic muscles 15 times, twice per day. Gradually increase the number of squeezes to 75 times, two times per day. Strengthened pelvic muscles increases the intensity of orgasms.

Continue to do this for an hour or two every day in your spare time. The next time you bring back the images, be sure to include your partner in it, if you have not done so already. You can bring back old images to mind as they were, or fade in new images.

When you get together with your partner you should be ready for action. You may want to alert your partner that you are in the mood even before you get home. You can do this by a flirtatious or suggestive message by phone. However, you may want to leave it to the element of surprise, taking home the sexual images and playing them out.

Dr Zilbergeld advises that simmering should be done as a regular part of your preparation for sex. This helps you to feel sexy and improves sex performance. Simmering is easy to do and does not get in the way of your work. Sexual desire is achievable if you know what to do and make the effort to work at it.

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Time sensitive sex strategies

Here's how to make the most of the time you have!

WIN THE SACK RACE

Sex is like running. Jog the 100-yard dash and you'll come in last; sprint through the first mile of a marathon and you'll go limp sooner or later. "You really have to pace yourself," says Beverly Whipple, Ph.D., secretary general of the World Association for Sexual Health. "Otherwise, everybody loses."

YOU HAVE: 5 MINUTES

Your strategy: Skip the schedule

She loves quickies for the spontaneity. You love them because they're like SportsCenter: all highlight, no filler. Take her lead, says Tara Roth Madden, author of Romance on the Run. "It can't be just one more thing on my to-do list," she says. If you're worried she'll think you're quick on the trigger, tell her it's just a preview.

YOU HAVE: 30 MINUTES

Your strategy: Pass the baton

"Spend extra time focusing on each other's body and your intercourse will be more action-packed," says sexologist Carol Queen, Ph.D., author of Exhibitionism for the Shy. You're working toward a climax. She suggests kisses and gentle strokes in the sensitive nooks where the body bends, such as the wrists, the crooks of the elbows, and the backs of the knees. Nerves can predict where you're headed if you move in a straight line, so use a zigzag stroke instead.

YOU HAVE: 1 HOUR

Your strategy: Warm up longer

Awaken your partner's erogenous zones all over her body by giving her a 20-minute massage. You'll both get a happy ending. "This isn't a health club," Queen says. "Keep her focused on the erotic nature of the massage, not the relaxing, sleep-inducing side of it." Start with her back, then ask her to roll over so you can work your way toward her breasts and clitoris. And whatever you do, don't go all shiatsu on her breasts. A gentle, firm touch will suffice.

YOU HAVE: ALL NIGHT

Your strategy: Turn tricks

There are two ways to last all night. In tantric sex, you separate your orgasm from ejaculation. "Around 80 percent of men can do this after 3 months of training," says psychologist and sexologist Barnaby Barratt, Ph.D., author of Sexual Health and Erotic Freedom. Too New Age? Separate ejaculation from bedtime. The average postorgasm limp period in 30-year-olds is about half an hour. While you're waiting, try some new tricks. "It's all about variety," says Amy, 22. "Too much of one thing gets boring, even if that one thing is very good."

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Via menshealth.com

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